A New Life In a New Town: How to survive uprooting your family and moving to a totally new place

In the summer of 2020, my family of four moved cross-country to the East Coast, a section of the country I’d hardly visited. I was raised and lived in the West Coast all my life, and so all my family and basically everyone I’ve ever known is all the way over on that side. I’m a West Coast girl, through and through; I never imagined I’d ever be living anywhere else. So when we unexpectedly moved to Pennsylvania three years ago for my husband’s job, it pretty much flipped my world completely upside down.

I know a lot of you can relate. I feel like there’s been a recent trend of so many of us having our lives upended to move to new towns and new places we never expected to find ourselves in. The stress and unfamiliarity of adjusting to a brand new life can be harrowing, especially if you’ve got kids to care for. My boys were only three and one years old at the time of our move. This is the time of our lives where we need a community of extended family members and friends to give us a helping hand in raising the babies, and also receive emotional support as new mothers and fathers embarking on the early part of the parenting journey. We didn’t have any of that, except for what was available through family Zoom group meetings. The pandemic only added a thicker layer of difficulty to the equation. It was a challenging and lonely experience, but somehow we managed to survive. Here’s how I managed my new life in a new town.

Family Road Trips

The best part of living in a new city is to explore what it’s got to offer, not just within the city limits but beyond. We were on a mission to explore all the places within a drivable distance. The kids weren’t great at sitting for long periods in the car at first, but through repetition, they began to know what to expect. We took weekend trips to nearby towns and used hotel points to book one-night stays. As the kids got older we were able to go further and stay longer. Some towns had only one or two attractions for us to visit. Others just had a playground for us to go to. The point was to switch it up and get out of the house, even if the destination wasn’t that glamorous. Even without the glitz, it was still a blast.

Memberships to Children's Museums and other Attractions

Most memberships to museums and attractions make it worth the investment after only two or three visits. This one is a no-brainer. Children’s museums, science and history museums, Crayola Factory, Legoland, indoor pools. You name it, we became members. It kept us busy on the weekends even when we didn’t know anyone. 

Meeting Other Parents

I’ve tried it all. I’ve joined Meetup groups, Facebook groups, struck up conversations with strangers at the park. The single best way to meet other parents was through the children’s schools. Particularly through the birthday party circuit. Never miss a birthday party, even if you kind of dread going to them. By the end of a given school year, you’ll have met and spoken to so many of the parents, they’ll feel less like strangers and more like welcome and friendly acquaintances. If you don’t make any other efforts into meeting new people, at least do this. Think of it as getting to know your local community.

Creating a Joyful Living Space

The more effort you put into making your home space your own, the cozier and happier it will feel for you and your family. Start with the rooms you spend the most time in, and tackle one room at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed. Don’t have a huge budget to work with? Don’t worry about. A new paint color, pillow cushions, and wall art can make a wonder of a difference. Treat each room as a separate project unto its own and don’t be afraid to get creative, even whimsical. Most importantly, don’t put off your bedroom and/or home office as the last project in your house. Put yourself first and make sure to create your own space as special as possible. 

Becoming a Tighter Family Unit

When you first move to a new city, all your family has to rely on is each other. It’s a great time to become an even tighter family unit than you already were. Take the time to spend lots and lots of quality time together exploring the new land together. Have a theme for every day of the week. Taco Tuesday, Board Game Wednesday, Dance Party Saturday. Every night is a fun night when you’re together, laughing and having fun. Appreciate each other, and fill each day with lots of hugs and kisses.

Learning to Heal My Loneliness & Enjoying Alone Time

Here’s the part of this topic that presents the biggest challenge. Almost all of us were raised to think that having constant social interactions is a norm that we must all subscribe to - even the not-so-extroverted types like yours truly. Being alone is bad… right? Having little or no friends means something is wrong with you. Or maybe we’re all just trying to keep up appearances to fill the void of loneliness, or the fear of it at least. This is where the opportunity to grow past this limitation presents itself. We’re not in high school any more; life no longer has to be one big popularity contest. It’s completely okay to be okay with being alone. Get to know who you are outside of the people around you. If you went on a two-week sabbatical with only yourself, how would you fill your time? Who are you really? This is an inner journey that has the potential to reap deep rewards for a lifetime. 

Have you also moved to a completely different state, far removed from friends and family? What were some of the ways you were able to settle into your new life? What were your biggest challenges? I'd love to know your experience.